Rector’s Reflections
Wednesday 2nd April 2025
On Making Good Decisions
In yesterday’s reflections, I shared some thoughts on the Christian tradition of making decisions collectively. Down the centuries, Christians have often felt that important decisions are best made when Christians come together, to listen to each other and to share insights and experiences from a variety of perspectives.
But such collective decision making is not always the most effective or appropriate way to decide on the issues which we are facing. Collective bodies are sometimes controlled by the powerful, and their deliberations can easily be stage managed in order to reach the “correct” decision. And there are also times when the issue to be discussed is an intensely personal one. In such cases, it may not feel appropriate to discuss the issue in a public forum, and with people one might not know or trust.
In such situations, Christians have often found it helpful to seek out the advice of a man or woman who is recognised as having deep spiritual wisdom. Such a person is often called a “Spiritual Director” or a “Spiritual Friend”, but they do not necessarily have a formal title as such. The key thing is that they are someone one can talk to about important things – someone who will listen carefully, and give some helpful advice. And above all, someone who can be trusted to keep the contents of the conversation entirely confidential.
Spiritual Direction is very much an art, and it is not confined to the priesthood. Some priests are very gifted at providing Spiritual Direction, and this forms a large part of their ministry. But not every priest is gifted in this area. Indeed, some priests cause considerable spiritual damage through giving unconsidered and unhelpful spiritual advice. Some of the best Spiritual Directors are lay men and women, and many are members of monastic communities. You might say to yourself: what does a monk or a nun know about the challenges of life? The answer is that they know an enormous amount, because one of the results of the monastic life is that it makes us more human. When I was training for the priesthood, I remember a week of training which was focussed on engaging with the realities and opportunities of the world of work. The best part of the training was given by a monk in Douai Abbey. One might have thought: what would a celibate monk in Douai Abbey know about the world of work? The answer was that this monk understood the key issues with startling clarity. His monastic vocation gave him wisdom, and wisdom is so often what we are seeking.
I should add that down the centuries, there has often been a general assumption that a member of the congregation should usually look towards their parish priest to provide them with spiritual advice. However, it has always been accepted that there can be good reasons why a member of the congregation will look elsewhere for their spiritual guidance. It might be that spiritual advice is not the strongpoint of the priest in question. It might be that the priest and congregation member don’t get on, or that the priest cannot be trusted to keep a confidence. It might also be that a member of the congregation knows their priest is likely to advise against a particular course of action, and they wish to find a priest who will be more amenable!
The relationship between a Christian and their Spiritual Director probably works best when it is based on a continuous relationship over many years. This enables both parties to get to know each other, and to engage with the challenges and questions of life on a much deeper level than would otherwise be the case. However, it is perfectly possible to benefit from an of experience Spiritual Direction on a one off basis.
And finally, you may wonder how such Spiritual Direction relates to the practice of “going to Confession”. The answer is that they can and often do overlap, but they are technically quite distinct. Confession is about going to a priest and confessing a sin or sins, expressing genuine remorse, and receiving absolution. Spiritual Direction is about receiving spiritual advice. Confession looks backward and says: I’ve made a bad choice, forgive me. Spiritual Direction looks forward and says: I want to make a good choice, advise me. Confession typically leads into Spiritual Direction, but not necessarily so.
I wonder: who can you go to for a good piece of spiritual advice?